x. .:Ready to Fly:.

木曜日, 6月 17, 2004

The nightsky has been quite delightful both yesterday and today...Managed to spot many of the stars like Antares, Arcturus, Spica and much of Leo:) gosh everyday i just look forward to this special, mind soothing 15 mins at the track lying on the high jump mat watching the twinkling stars and reading bout them under the light of my phone haha...Many thanx to sunny for introducing such a wonderful hobby to me :) never knew i could identify any stars myself :P
"You have taught me what love is... it's understanding and tolerating (especially haha)... It's having the shared experiences and feeling secure in your presence... It is little bout the ephemeral good feelings or the diabetic sweetness of infatuation... Thank you for this valuable lesson... It has been more than enough for me... God bless u always"
Just happened to feel like writing something yesterday but ended up typing it into my phone... decided i should free some space and write it here instead haha...

+awaiting to soar..* 10:23 午後

火曜日, 6月 15, 2004

the tides have become tsunamis now...the more i wanna blog the less i can organise wat i wanna say and straighten out my thinking...watching the stars indeed has a therapeutic effect... and watching luo shen can make u forget ur worldly woes as u delve into a world or royalty and sweet romance... i dun like to blame people...whenever i do i point back to myself and absorb everything...watever that is about to spill out of my mouth is going to cause disasterous results so id rather i suffer alone in silence... y did the peace i had so painstakingly built crumble so easily? Feel its unfair... im beginning to see the ugly side of me...i see a jealous freak who looks at some people with envy just because they seem to get everything they want...i have always believed tt god blesses us differently and that my path was never meant to be like urs...i was meant to do greater things which affect more people than just keeping to that happy, warm cosy corner that u have built for urself... but im wrong i guess...i need a corner too... and i believe i do have one... just tt its a place of self reflection with no glow of warmth but is filled instead with a chilling quietness- isolation.
I have something to say, but i dun want u to hear it...its too selfish for me to spoil everyone's cosy corner just because i have a horrid one...i shall retreat in silence and let the friendly smile be a replacement...hope that it will bring a blessed glow in everyone's lives :) i am suffering... but is it because i think i am suffering? it's all in the mind definitely. When i think i am not i will not be...for i think, therefore i am...
ever had the kinda experience u feel as though ur heart was going to jump right out of ur mouth? i had it today...almost thought it was a heart attack...thanks sw for ur reassurance... few pple make me feel so secure with them ard...in danger zone i felt peace, just that calming anasthetic effect of ur gaze i guess...
some pple's timings in life are forever bad... im one good eg...Always doing things when it is too late for any action... or i dun even do them i mean...call me dense i guess...
i take my word back...i think ure great and i am really happy that u have such a perfect life.. may god bless u and keep u safe and happy all ur life :) I think ure nice and sweet and deserve every drop of grace u have received...i did nothing to deserve anything... i just hope tt the tsunami will die down and i will see the tranquil sea again...may god bless u and i always:)

+awaiting to soar..* 10:01 午後

月曜日, 6月 14, 2004

miss blogging but somehow my life is so booring that there really isnt much to talk about...sad tt my blog is reflecting my life- no life. Guess cca and school does expose me to new situations everyday and everyday seems to be a challenge to me.. But this simple life i have now is quite a refreshing change though...Feel so happy having nothing much to do...go back to sch everyday just to enjoy the company of some of my good friends ie. making mugging less unbearable (notice i didnt say more bearable coz it is not still haha) stress seems to have been chained up, incapacitated and put away so much so i cant even hear its screams of agony for not being able to torture me. But i guess as cts draws nearer it will eventually be let loose.
cant think of any word as close to xin fu and shiawase in eng except blessed i guess... but still it doesnt paint as close a pic to how im feeling as compared to xin fu...Away from the troubles, watching the stars *blissful smile* learnt how to locate the alpha and beta centauri(sp?), the southern cross etc... jupiter is high in the sky if anyone bothers to look :) indeed as what sunny said, watching the skies have a therapeutic effect on excess mugging...or just pure slacker syndrome :P been quite fun running ard the track with serene too *grin... though i feel really so unhealthy as compared to her.. managed only 1.6k today bleah...
but, life is bliss.. and i enjoy the company of those who are ard me :) been quite alone on certain days too... times when ill just walk to gm myself and buy lunch back...quite an experience... think abt lotsa stuff when im alone and u take more notice of the env ure in...told my mom this morn that im used to isolation...have had too much of it last time i guess... that it doesnt matter when im just walking alone...find some qing qu in tt too haha...gosh.. some pple would think im insane by now haha... but i just realised that my walking pace has been accelerating again coz ive been walking by myself more often now;p guess when u have no one to talk to there's no point in walking so slowly ;p perhaps gossiping does slow ur footsteps haha...
yesterday was my 1st attempt at contacts w/o my sister's supervision! haha... *claps* can do it by myself now haha... when i got home my mom insisted i take a photo because i was wearing a skirt she bought for me haha...guess my family misses me dressing up properly (more like a shu nu than my sloppy three quarters all the time haha);p still dun go out often so i guess sundays are the only days ill be out to church and all ;p
i guess god puts us through things for a reason.. for us to grow.. n there really isnt any use questioning him as to why it had to be us getting it all.. everyone wants to live a certain kinda perfect life... but when everyone lives like tt itd probably not be called perfect anymore! Im learning to enjoy imperfections... hope tt low self-esteem will fade away soon :) sometimes i shock pple by agreeing with their diaoings haha...but its coz i really feel i agree with wat they say even though they may have been joking bout my 'disabilities'...
well, met up with lee choon today... so happy to see her ard ^_^ ohisashiburi ne!
life is blissful, i rest my case :)

+awaiting to soar..* 10:29 午後

木曜日, 6月 03, 2004

din think mugging for sat could be tt bearable haha... thanks for the company.. if not id probably have been stuck at home facing the ceiling ;p and i realised i was able to take my mind off the crap i was complaining to u abt yesterday..bleah.. arigatou ^_^

such a coincidence i met zy mugging his econs tys... mugger *rolls eyes* (Rebuttal: Im studying coz SAT is this sat!)

anyway, 2nd day of contacts ;p haha...yipee! the next time i can wear it for 12 hours :)

went for a 2.4k run after returning home. gosh... never knew running could be so relaxing and fun :P wasnt even tired after the run... even wanted to run more at the end of it... sad thing was that i din get to sit at the swing (*whines* haha.. sound like a kid;p) all these just reinforce the fact tt im a loner haha... seems ridiculous to the jap club pple when i tell them i am called an anti social person :P

and i wanna ammend what i filled in for psycho test... i just realised. I do have a preference... i prefer going out with just one person vs a group of pple. Get to talk more and understand the person im going out with more :)

happy day today!~ looking forward for a greater day tmr :)

+awaiting to soar..* 12:30 午前

火曜日, 6月 01, 2004

There must be a higher being up there...
I mean god. To think that no matter how i plan for things to happen, they just cannot and dont happen, there really must be someone controlling our lives. Not that it's bad things do not happen the way i want it... it just strikes fear and panic to my heart when i realise that im going against a greater force when i try to plan otherwise even when i know what he expects of me...I shall not be disobedient from now onwards for i know the very purpose of my existence on Earth is to glorify his name.

Things are beginning to die down. I think that's good. I have resigned to ur 'command' not that i was given any choice in any case. Wish you had left me some time to think and reflect and some options to choose from but no u didnt. Maybe it's just supposed to be like that. I pray for ur deliverance in any case :)

I wore contacts on Sunday! gosh, i think everyone will be so proud of me... was kinda traumatised before and after i got it in... there was much to overcome for a contact-lens-phobic like me k.... but ive done it! yipee!

+awaiting to soar..* 8:50 午後